Polyamory: Understanding Open Loving Relationships
Recently, the term “polyamory” has shown up in the media, on social networks, and on dating sites. This romantic practice consists of having several love stories at once.
Seductive on paper, it requires respecting certain rules and strong communication between partners. Before entering an open relationship, it’s important to know yourself well and to know what you want and what you reject when it comes to romantic practice.
Polyamory: atypical loving relationships
Polyamory consists of carrying on several romantic and sexual relationships at the same time, with each partner’s agreement. The principle of this type of open relationship rests above all on mutual consent and on respecting certain rules.
When people mention open unions, they imagine there are no limits or consequences to carrying on several stories in parallel. However, being in a polyamorous couple doesn’t mean there’s no emotional commitment or attachment between the people involved.
For it to work, each partner has to agree on certain points. The key to a successful non-exclusive relationship is communication. Polyamorous people often talk about a freeing of speech within the couple. Telling each other everything, without taboos, in order to set boundaries, helps establish a healthy, honest, and sincere relationship.
Everyone is different and will feel things in their own way, which is why each person must define the type of relationship that works for them, make compromises to find common ground. Within polyamory, there are different ways of operating:
- Hierarchical polyamory. I can have multiple partners, but the one I form my initial couple with is the most important; they come first.
- Egalitarian polyamory. I have several partners at the same time, but none is a priority and they also have other relationships.
- Solo polyamory. Same concept as egalitarian polyamory, except I don’t move in or get married to any of my partners. I prefer keeping my autonomy and my personal space.
- Relationship anarchy. I interact with different people and don’t feel committed to anyone, nor in a couple. I don’t consider them partners.
- What to take away before launching into a polyamorous relationship is that trust and honesty are the watchwords.
Polyamory: human relationships first
Faced with the hostile gaze society casts on free love, it’s worth stopping to look at what motivates polyamorous couples.
Seen as romantic outsiders, they currently make up 2% of the French population. However, the numbers have been trending up in recent years and platforms dedicated to polyamorous dating are developing more and more.
According to testimonies from people in open relationships, what matters most is the human connection. It’s no longer about following the classic heterosexual monogamous script, which, it seems, doesn’t really lead to fulfillment. Finding THE right person has supposedly become complicated.
An open relationship would demand more emotional investment, more listening to your partner and to yourself.
Classic relationships, on the other hand, would be corrupted by the potential desire of one partner for someone else. That would lead to taboos within the couple, even to extramarital affairs, lies, and deceit.
Indeed, within a monogamous union, it’s very hard to bear the idea that the other person feels attraction or feelings for someone else. Jealousy can cause major complications within a couple.
In contrast, in a polyamorous relationship, you need to face your fears and overcome them. Polyamorous couples feel they’ve gained maturity and open-mindedness by having multiple relationships built on trust and respect. For them, the frustration some classic couples can feel doesn’t exist.
Each partner takes care of the other and looks out for their fulfillment; the other relationships are legitimate and reinforce the closeness in the couple. Plus, the fact of sharing everything lets them have a more solid and deeper relationship.
In short, starting an open relationship first requires inner work, on your emotions and your fears.
It would be risky to face a romantic situation you’re not ready for. Wanting to be in a couple should never come through suffering.
Open relationships: limits to consider
Yes! You may find yourself attracted to someone who doesn’t share the same vision of the couple as you do.
Of course, every loving relationship requires compromise, but you shouldn’t be willing to do just anything. Otherwise, you risk breaking your wings, being disappointed and terribly hurt.
Why this warning?
Because you could be tempted to try a polyamorous experience. Either to try new things in your couple or because you’ve met a polyamorous person.
Above all, it’s essential that you do some inner work and ask yourself what limits you don’t want to cross. What are you willing to accept? What type of open relationship would you want (hierarchical, egalitarian, solo, or relationship anarchy)?
How do you handle jealousy? Will you be able to share your partner?
Once that self-assessment is done, you can consider signing up on a polyamorous dating platform. That’ll let you get to know people in this open community and discover more. Initially, it doesn’t commit you to anything and might be a good introduction.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that when it comes to feelings, it’s better to avoid testing yourself too much. If you usually tend to be possessive and jealous, polyamory may not be a path to follow. Trust yourself and follow your instinct; it’s your best ally.
In “polyamory,” there’s “amor.” So it really is about having several loving relationships in parallel. That can prove emotionally challenging; offering your heart to different people requires composure and organization.
If you’re in a couple and you’re rather looking to spice up your love life, it’s probably better to look toward swinging.
Indeed, unlike polyamory, the swinger scene gives you the opportunity to have other sexual relationships, without commitment or feelings. It might be just the breath of fresh air your libido has been waiting for! Find our article on swinging in the couple via the link above.
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